Archives

Blog

Friends.

May 3, 2018

Friendship. It’s risky business. Especially in leadership.

Friends have carried me through the toughest of times, but maybe like you, I have also known the sting of a friend’s betrayal. It started in 1stgrade, when my BFF told the whole class about my 2ndgrade crush. I came into the classroom and heard giggles erupting from every corner of the room, only to look up and see a huge heart on the chalkboard with our names in big bold letters written inside. Thanks, friend.

We aren’t kids any more, and a friend’s betrayal hurts more now.  Last month, I did a quick survey to find out how people feel about friendship. About 450 people participated in answering 5 simple questions, and I think the results pretty accurately reflect our general feelings about friendship.

  • 11% (of you) said that when they hear the word “friend”, they feel sad and lonely.
  • 25% said they don’t have any friends that they can be real with.
  • 22% said they were lonely most of the time.
  • 42% said they are guarded with friends because of past hurts.

Yes, rejection and hurt are both real risks in friendship.  And it’s obvious that past hurts can affect our willingness to risk friendship. Facing hurt at some point isa sure thing. I know that some of you after a few hard experiences are thinking… “It’s not worth it.”

But please hear me out.  I’ve been there. I get it. And I have my reasons also:

  • My schedule makes it hard and people don’t understand this.
  • Being a pastor makes friendship complicated
  • Regardless of how many people are coming in, when people leave the church it feels personal, and it might be. Wall built.
  • People see me as their leader and it’s hard to be vulnerable.
  • I can’t share some of the toughest struggles I face in the church, because only people who have done this would be objective or understand, so I feel cut off.
  • I have to protect people.

However, what challenges me is this – the Bible has a few things to sayabout friendship.  Ecclesiastes 4:12(MSG) “12 By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend, you can face the worst.”

Don’t give up on friendship. We need friends.  We think keeping people at a distance protects us, yet by doing this we are actually left vulnerable.  One of the enemy’s greatest strategies is to isolate us and keep us apart.  It’s easier to pick us off that way.  Don’t let that happen.  And, don’t let that happen to a friend.

pexels-photo-288583.jpeg

What Does Jesus Say About Friendship?

John 15:15-19 (MSG) “15 … This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends…”

Reboot your love capacity.  

Love is used to describe everything from our favorite ice cream to our soul mate. The word has been diluted to an emotion we feel, rather than a choice we make.  Jesus told us to love how HE loves.  So how did He love? He loved us knowing that we would hurt, betray and turn our backs on Him. His love for us was not based on our response to Him or filled with weighty expectations of what He could get in return for that love. It was love without strings attached.

When we hold back love based on past hurtful experiences, friendship gets reduced to only what we can get rather than what we can give.  A friendship based on unconditional love is risky, but so freeing too. It is so refreshing to have friends that love me unconditionally, and don’t get offended when I can’t hang out or forget to text back in 30 seconds. (Yes, some almost put this level of expectations on their friends!)Jesus’ kind of love leads to breathable friendships, devoid of heavy expectations.  These kinds of friendships are so refreshing, and make me want to invest even more into that friendship. I want to be that kind of friend too. Loving my friends like Jesus did, without conditions.  It’s risky to love like Jesus did, but the risk is SO worth the reward.

Get out your eraser.

Jesus says in these verses that He “puts His life on the line for his friends”.  In today’s culture, we draw lines and boundaries around our heart, keeping our hearts safely protected from possible threats, hurts and disappointments. We quickly cut off friends that hurt our feelings in any way. We passionately defend these protective boundaries. And we preach it like it’s Gospel.  But is it? I realize that I have listened to culture a little here. I have been guarded at times, pushing people away because I have experienced rejection or betrayal, and I don’t want to go through that again.  I know there can be Biblical reasons to draw these lines (“stay away from an angry person” etc.),but we have to be so careful to line things up with the Word of God, not just to what feels right emotionally.

Putting our life on the line for our friends will force us to erase some personal boundaries.  It will cost us time, resources and emotion. And we might get hurt in the process. It will force us to have some brave conversations, and say these words, “you hurt my feelings” rather than just cut off any friend that hurts us. If we want to experience the kind of friendship Jesus describes, we must get an eraser out, erase those boundaries and take that risk.  We must have those brave conversations and let down our guard.

Show your kitchen sink… dirty dishes and all.

Jesus tells us that we can know we are His friends because He has ‘let us in’ on what He’s heard from the Father. Jesus shows us that friendship requires letting people in.  Let’s be real: letting people in means risking our emotional security.  It’s terribly unsafe, so we get tempted to stay in the shallow end of friendship.  Casual talk, superficial conversations about the weather, work/school or the kids.  We allow people into our formal front room that stays tidy and put together, never allowing people in far enough to see the kitchen sink and the dirty dishes – the real life we are living.  We share about the deal we got at Nordstrom’s half-yearly sale, but we don’t let people in to see our marriage that is struggling. Or the depression that is crippling our lives.

When we allow ourselves to stay isolated in our pain and struggles, we miss out on the friendships that can encourage and carry us through those struggles.  Remember the verse, “With a friend you can face the worst”? Don’t miss this reward in friendship!

Risk it again.

When we risk little, we gain little.  In the 21stcentury, technology allows us to risk less and less socially. Friendship used to require face-to-face communication, which, though high risk, had a high reward of real connection with people.   Now, we text because it’s less risky than a phone call.  It’s easy to send a ‘friend request’, where the exchange is up there in the cloud somewhere, and it doesn’t really hurt too much if we get rejected, but the reward is also less valuable and significant.

But what do we need when we have a true crisis in our lives? We need someone to TALK to.  Without real connections in our lives, we stay closed up, isolated in our pain. I have seen it and experienced it.  We come late to church and leave early. We do everything we can to avoid people. We shy away from conversations that might get too personal.  But at what cost?

 pexels-photo-862848.jpeg

Proverbs 27:9 “Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy, for good friends are like the anointing oil that yields the fragrant incense of God’s presence.”

If we never risk friendship, we will never experience this kind of refreshing joy.

Here are some questions for reflection:  Where are you in your friendship journey?  Is it time to step out once again and take some risk and let your guard down? Do you need to let go of heavy expectations that drain your friendships? Have you put boundaries around your heart that God wants to tear down? What could you gain by listening to Jesus’ words to us to love like He does?

I promise you this, if Jesus is truly at the center of your friendships, He won’t allow you to isolate yourself.  Over and over again, He will give you opportunity to build friendships that are true, safe and bring you joy.

 

Love you friends,

Donna xo

Blog, Uncategorized

P(osition)rison.

February 8, 2018

 

I was in beautiful Hawaii. Sitting on a gorgeous patio with my tea, Bible and journal.   I was savoring the moment, sipping my favorite tea, surrounded by an incredible view of the ocean and palm trees, enjoying some quiet time with Jesus, while Doug and the kids still slept. It was a perfect moment!  And then, out of nowhere, I suddenly found myself getting a God administered ‘attitude adjustment’ on a situation that I had been wrestling with.  And by adjustment, I mean a chiropractor type adjustment – a quick and to the point “ouch”.

It happened while reading through one of my favorite Bible stories – Joseph.  In this story,  Joseph experiences every kind of emotional pain that you can think of.  Rejection.  Abandonment.  Betrayal.  Abuse and more.  All at the hand of his very own brothers.  Those who he trusted, and who were closest to him.  His own family.  These brothers not only rejected him, threw him in a pit to die, but they took it a step further.  They SOLD him. Into slavery. And ultimately, he landed in prison.

Painful.  Some serious potential emotional wreckage.  Joseph had every “right” to be bitter and angry, and to seek revenge and retribution. He had gone through 13 years in slavery before being called up to serve in Pharaoh’s house as second in command (That’s another cool part of the story, but not for today). That’s 13 years living out the betrayal of his brothers. He had 13 years to think about his revenge.  13 years of baggage.  13 years of hurt. Then, it all turns around.  Is this a time for payback or position?

Joseph’s perspective is so cross-current to what we think of as normal or even healthy in culture today. In these verses, Joseph reveals an emotional default that is different than what we would expect.

Through a crazy turn of events, Joseph has gone from being locked in prison, to being in a position of power over his brothers. He has the power, the means, the motive and the opportunity to put his brothers in slavery if he desires!  And yet, listen to these verses in Genesis 45:4-8, as Joseph responds to his brothers in love …

Joseph: “I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. Don’t be upset or angry with yourselves any longer because of what you did. You see God sent me here ahead of you to preserve life…  7 God sent me here ahead of you to make sure you and your families survive this terrible ordeal and have a remnant left on earth. So it wasn’t really you who sent me here, but God…”

And then he further drives his point home in Genesis 50:19-20, when he says to his brothers…

Joseph19 Don’t be afraid. Am I to judge instead of God? It is not my place. 20 Even though you intended to harm me, God intended it only for good, and through me, He preserved the lives of countless people, as He is still doing today.”  (The Voice Translation)

Tears sting my eyes, even as I write and process this through again. I have often heard, and even repeated to others, that it takes time to forgive, and it’s not a “one time thing”.  Some of those really big hurts and wounds, we must forgive daily as they come to mind.  All of which I still believe.  But what grips my heart about these verses, is that Joseph understood that his brothers weren’t selling him into slavery, God was positioning him for their freedom.

Joseph sees his brothers’ rejection, betrayal, abandonment and abuse as part of God’s plan to position him for a great purpose – to save a whole lot of people. God was thinking way ahead.  Like 20 years ahead!  This is where it gets hard to swallow. It’s hard to see the future when something hurts now.  Yet, this is what it takes if we are going to bring freedom to others, and be a Joseph leader.  A Joseph leader is a deliverer, and if there is any calling in life that takes the perspective of Heaven it is this one.

People hurt people. At times, I have been tempted to throw in the towel, close up emotionally, stop trusting people or lose faith in God. But what if we could live like Joseph.  What if we began to trust that the Lord is using people, and some of our greatest hurts and wounds, to position us as deliverers. What if we went way beyond forgiving our offenders, to a place where we could actually thank God for some of our most difficult circumstances.  Living with the Joseph mindset is believing that God actually positioned us to exactly where He wanted us to be, so we could fulfill a specific plan.

I can already look back and see this in my own life.  I can see how the journey has made me stronger, wiser, with greater discernment and compassion for those that were a challenge along the way.  Let’s not forget that God loves them and we are a part of their journey as well.  I can see how some of those experiences have been part of God re-positioning Doug and I to Denver, to start the Pearl Church, to reach out to new people, to step out into new territory.

I know that more hurdles will come.  More rejection.  More pain. But I want to approach it in a new way.  I want to have God’s view. If I want my life to count, I have to be willing to trust HIS positioning.  Sometimes it’s at the top of the mountain with a clear view, sometimes it’s at the bottom of a dark pit. In a place that feels like a prison. Either way, I want to trust Him to position me however He sees best. As a friend once told me many years ago, “if you know that you will thank the Lord later, you can stop and thank Him today, even when you don’t know what He is doing.”

Next time you find yourself hurting from the actions or words of those close to you, don’t stop at forgiveness, but choose to remember Joseph’s words…

Even though you intended to harm me, God intended it only for good, and through me, He preserved the lives of countless people, as He is still doing today.”

What is God doing in you through this?  How could He be positioning your heart? In what ways can the Joseph perspective help you in a situation right now?

Let’s choose to move from the prison mindset, where we feel trapped by what has been done to us,  into a new mindset.  A mindset that stems from believing that God is positioning us.  A beyond forgiveness kind of mindset.

With much love,

Donna

Uncategorized

“In Fact, Don’t Even Speak.”

July 19, 2017

I’m a verbal processor.  I need to talk things through out loud, usually more than once, to make sure I really believe it.  Sometimes I discover what I am really feeling or thinking AS I talk.  And AS I talk, I have also figured out that sometimes I am my own worst enemy.

My MOUTH gets me in trouble.  Please tell me I’m not alone in this!   When my mouth is led by my emotions, something happens.  It is absolutely possible to speak things into existence that are opposed to what you truly believe in your heart. Or what’s worse, you can change what you truly believe if you say it enough times.

As I was studying to preach, I started reading Joshua and the battle of Jericho. It has always been one of my favorite stories in the Bible, but this time something hit me that I hadn’t seen before.  As I read through the story in Joshua 6, I noticed that God gave Joshua clear instructions that he was to pass on to the people.  Namely, how they would defeat Jericho and enter their Promised Land.  But in verse 10, as Joshua passed these instructions on to the people, he added something.

Josh 6:10 Joshua had given orders to the people, “Don’t shout. In fact, don’t even speak… until you hear me say, ‘Shout!’— Then shout away!” (The Message)

Why would Joshua add these extra instructions?  Because Joshua had been at the edge of the Promised Land once before… and he learned something.

Forty years earlier, Joshua was one of twelve scouts sent in to spy out the Promised Land.  Twelve scouts went out, but only Joshua and Caleb came back with the faith that God would help them defeat the enemy.

What happened?

Picture Joshua recalling that walk home after scouting the land forty years previously. He and Caleb were excited, ready to take the land God had promised them.  God had brought them to the land flowing with milk and honey.  They had tasted the fruit, seen the land and BELIEVED what God had said to them. God was bigger than any giant in their minds and what their mouths said reflected it.  Then as they walked home, the other ten scouts began to talk about the giants.  What probably started as “those were some big giants” turned into “we are like grasshoppers compared to them.”  By the time they got home, the ten scouts had completely talked themselves out of their Promised Land.  All they could remember were the HUGE giants.  What they focused on and talked about GREW in their minds and ruined their faith in the time it took to walk home.

What their minds focused on, their mouths spoke.  What their mouths spoke, their ears heard.  What their ears heard, their hearts embraced. It’s a vicious cycle. Romans 10:17 say “Faith comes by hearing…” If you speak faith, you will ultimately have faith. Joshua knew that the key to victory this time, was for them to keep their mouths shut.  So, he added those crucial words to God’s instructions, “Don’t shout. In fact, don’t even speak (and srew this up).”  There are times when it is better, if you feel afraid, to just be silent and let God be God.

Next time you are tempted to verbally process yourself away from faith, remember Joshua’s story.  When there are giants and obstacles in your way, ask yourself this question, “Could I be talking myself out of my victory?”  And remember Israel’s forty years in the desert.  No. Thank. You.

I currently have some of these verses, promises and declarations taped to my bathroom mirror. I have taken them from different messages I have listened to, as well as verses that anchor me to my faith. They are personal.  What I am standing on. Daily, I read them and speak them OUT LOUD.  I want my spirit to hear my faith. I want the truth in God’s word to be louder than anything else.  And when doubt comes knocking, I shut the door, and… shut my mouth.

I will leave you with this verse:

Psalms 34:12,13a “If you love life, and want to live a good, long life, take care what you say.”

The Word also reminds us that words can bring life or death.  We can’t choose our circumstances, but we can take care what we say. We can choose our words.  I am choosing life.  Daily.  You can too!

Remember God is for you, His plans are good and He will always finish what He starts in you.

Have a truly blessed day!

Blog

Jesus Take the Wheel.

May 10, 2017

I can’t quite figure out why some weeks are just plain good.  Everything seems to be in sync.  Things are flowing.  Momentum is doing its thing. Kids are happy, marriage is rocking, church is thriving, and friendships are deep.  It is smooth sailing.  I sure love that kind of week, don’t you?  It is rare, but it does happen.

And then…  there are the other kinds of weeks.  You know the ones I’m talking about.  In my life, when it rains it POURS.  I’m hit on every side. The dishwasher quits, the car breaks down, the kitchen faucet cracks and floods the kitchen, buckling the wood floors.  But enough about me. We might hit waves of stress at work, or with a relationship; we might face some tough family, leadership or friend stuff.  I’m talking about the days, weeks or seasons, when it feels like we can’t catch a break.  We can’t seem to control all that is spinning out of control. Continue Reading…

Blog, Uncategorized

If it was about you.

March 15, 2017

This might surprise some of you, but there was a time I actually refused to lead worship. Years ago, when we first started ministry, before the crowds and the recordings, I was asked to step up and lead worship. I refused. I loved playing piano and singing to support the worship leader, but that was good enough for me. Truthfully, my normal flow was, leave me alone on the piano for hours, worshiping in the presence of the Lord, and writing songs no one may ever hear – that was my comfort zone, and where I always imagined I would remain. However, to truly surrender your life to God’s will, means that comfort can no longer rule over your calling.

The first year that we led the youth conference at our church, God spoke to my husband that it was time for me to lead worship. The first night of the conference our regular worship leader led, and was as usual, AMAZING. Anointed. Powerful. The next night was ‘my night’ to lead but I barely made it through the rehearsal. As the rehearsal started, fear, or insecurity, or pride, or all three, suddenly appeared out of nowhere, like giants staring me down. I lost the staring contest. I always loved the stories of David, how he would sit in the field alone with the sheep and write Psalms. I related to that part of David. Never, however, did I expect my first Goliath to come from inside my own heart. Continue Reading…

Blog

Hurt.

February 16, 2017

Hurt.

We ALL go through hurts.  We ALL experience pain.  Unfortunately, in this life, we can’t avoid hurt!  We can’t avoid pain. It will happen, no matter how much we do our best to avoid it.  We are so blessed, and God is doing such an incredible work. I need to never forget that.  I have noticed, however, that sometimes our greatest fruitfulness comes through seasons of our greatest hurts.  This tells me that God truly is guiding it all and bringing the right fruit at the right time.
Continue Reading…

Blog

When You Don’t Know What to Do – Part 2

January 27, 2017

In Part 1, we began the story of King Jehoshaphat. He was surrounded by an army ready to take him out. Instead of immediately preparing to wage war, he first sought the Lord and acknowledged that he didn’t know what to do. The Lord then gave him this strategy:
Continue Reading…

Blog

When You Don’t Know What to Do – Part 1

January 26, 2017

King Jehoshaphat was surrounded.  Pressed in on every side by an enemy ready to take him out.  He couldn’t see a way out. Ever been there?  His response, however, was not what you might expect.  In 2 Chronicles 20:3 we read, “Jehoshaphat was afraid, and he resolved to seek the Lord.”  There was a vast army outside ready to destroy everything he held dear, and yet a very real war was raging inside.  Fear.  The King acknowledges that he is afraid.  He is facing the fear that God won’t help.  Fear that he, as King, would fail his people, his family and his God.  Yet, rather than calling his generals together to make a battle plan, he FIRST gathers his leaders and people together to seek the Lord.
Continue Reading…

Blog

The Simple Life

January 26, 2017

The Simple Life. I have heard this idea come up again and again over the years. Each time it might have a different twist to it, but with the same basic premise.  Get rid of complicated, and go simple.   I don’t know about you, but it tends to make me anxious about my own life.   I know that is not the intent of the writers!  But my life sometimes IS complicated. And at times, not so simple! And busy.  I begin to ask myself, “am I out of God’s will, am I trying to do too much, am I too busy, am I scarring my kids with this crazy life of ministry, is my life simple enough?”  All of those are great questions to ask ourselves because I do realize we all tend to over extend ourselves at times and need to simplify. However, how we define “simple” makes all the difference in the world!
Continue Reading…